The Love Song of J. Brian Rhoads [With apologies to Eliot]

The Love Song of J. Brian Rhoads [With apologies to Eliot]

Once upon a time I was sitting in class . . . well . . I was sitting exactly where I am now and staring through this pane into what we considered class. This was years ago now [a scary thought in and of itself]. It was a first meeting between instructor and students.

Two of the students, ladies then and now [Tara and Stella, how I miss you!] were having connectivity issues. As they dropped from the list of active names one more time the instructor typed, “In the room the women come and go.” This was a comment lost on the rest, but I responded like a cold war spy returning the counter-phrase, “Talking of Michelangelo”.

That was the moment I knew I’d like the women we know as Hallgrima. Her and I share a repository of what we find cool. Time after time we challenge each other with pop-culture pass codes . . . always reminding each other we are indeed cool.

As I recall, this was also [or damned near] the time that a friend of mine was starting to stretch himself a bit. After watching me play the fool for months he decided he might take a turn himself. He stepped up and challenged Hall’ in a way that I was very impressed and a bit humbled. Behind his stance was an earnestness and honesty I lack . . . and thus the relationship between Twink’ and Hall’ began in a totally different way.

Yet, both these folks have remained constant in my life through the last three years. I have leaned on them from time to time and let them down on other times. Both remain exceedingly important to me, but not for who I would want them to be, but for exactly who they are.

I like it when Twink gets annoyed. I like it when Hall’ gets pissy. They are all too human in a way I wish I could be. It is so refreshing to see that regardless of their age and profession and standing that they have not lost the very real childlike sense of play . . . and that play can be emotional.

Laying [lying?] in bed with the cell-phone in my ear . . . my girlfriend is talking about my ‘stupid little game’. O.K. she said ‘silly’, but she meant stupid. First rule of women, listen to what they mean and not what they say. I try to explain it is so much about social and responsibility. I try to explain, but she doesn’t get it . . . not buying it. She wants to know how I can spend hours with people I have never met and how I can care so much about them.

Owl was crying tonight because . . . well, me. I quiet the guild in protest of Hall’ not being given a counselor seat at the table [regardless of her refusal to take it]. We have family drama going on and it is affecting the family in different ways. It is politics . . . and I’m too good at them . . . if you consider a 4’ x 8’ piece of plywood a good flyswatter.

I am a predator by nature and when I see an opportunity I pounce. It gets me into trouble . . . and doc programs. When HKBOT came over and brought a PROT SPEC Warrior, I knew we had an opportunity to grow as a guild. I don’t know why I knew, I just knew. So, I opened negotiations with SMASH to merge with PHANT’. This seemed VERY logical to me. SMASH is imbued with the essence of Twink’ and that makes them a damned good fit for us.

They are more studious than us. They are more serious than us. They are more focused. All of these I saw as a plus for a guild that is borderline sewing guild at times. Taking on 20 or so toons and alts would only bring more life to us. And the knowledge of Turbo alone was worth the price of admission.

Owl gave me her proxy to make the deal and I gave away more than most. I gave away half of the leadership. Call it a gamble, but I trust Turbo and I trust Twink and I trust that the mix would create a synergy to move us all forward to a guild that can actually run instances. AND . .. I will be proven right . . . yet . . . I managed to anger a friend and mentor which was never my intent.

I remember the first time I met Owl. It was back in the Night Shift days. It was the first time that WOW ceased to be a game and instead became a huge chat interface. I believe Nemi was involved as well. I was just sitting down south in Hordeland and not even playing . . . just chatting.

I remember back in the efnet days in #truth. There were so many friends and foes and it was such a pleasure to be amongst them. We would split ride and nick collide and argue the hours away. The same goes with Planetside. We took towers and bases and blew tubes and bailed from flaming aircraft into fray after fray. And WOW . . . always once more into the breach. It isn’t the activity, but the company . . . and all good things . . . come to an end.

And for the record . . . when it comes to Phant . . . it has been LONG overdue that the Pep folks be given a seat at the table. We supported and sustained the leadership for a very long time and asked for nothing. We were always there . . . always standing besides the rest. The simple fact is Hall’ is our leader and if you had just listened to me . . . You talk of earning positions . . . we have earned them a dozen times over . . . and over.

Felison calls me, as he has often . . . and it does not go well. I have my position. He has his . . . and not rickety rope bridge between them. I’m talking influence and consequences and he is hearing blackmailing threats. We try again later to talk, but it too late . . . he has made me the cartoon character villain. That’s alright . . . I’m used to it. He wants simple statement and sentiments . . . things I cannot offer. Instead, I’ll just sit and twirl my mustache.

So, it has been a day of drama . . . of taking sides . . . or sitting on fences. It has been a day of uncertainty and chaos . . . and thank god! Fuck the status quo. Shake it up. Lets see where everyone really stands. I’m a constructivist … whatever happens IS the lesson and the learning for me. I play this game for more than just the play . . . but to learn how folks interact here. Like a good wipe . . . I love a good squabble. It shows everyone’s character and connections.

I know . . . I’m the asshole. Like Twink saying I was a bad player . . . I’m a bad community member too. I like tapping on the glass . . . I like seeing the reactions. I think it reveals much . . . and I think the new patterns that form are important as well. I doubt Phant will be the same . . . and good.

Lastly, I played with Aka tonight. She has come a VERY long way as a warrior. For the first time, she fought beside me and not just fought. There was that sense of trust I have with Fel . . . I could tell when she had it handled, regardless of her health meter. She did everything right and we came through a number of mobs we could not have a month ago. I am proud of her . . . and a lot of that has to do with her training in Phant.

Owl, Nemi, Sage, Clive, Hall’, Fel’, etc . . . and myself. We have made up a family in Phant. We have brought on new folks in HKBOT and X as well as Turbo and the SMASH crew. It cannot stay the same, yet . . . what we have does not have to be lost. It can be build upon . . . but it cannot stay the same. Only dead things go down stream.

Fel’ calls me quitting a stunt . . . I call it a protest. Show me any large group that doesn’t have multiple centers of power? The trick here is to merge them into a working guild. I have EVERY faith in Turbo and Hallgrima as I do with Owl and Nemi. And Cy’ . . . he is the right man for the jorb to pull it all together. I wish them well.